SKINNY DREAMS

Description

An unquestionably nervous face appears on the megatron. Lula, a semi-finalist on the largest weightloss gameshow almost doesn’t hear the gameshow host ask ‘are you ready to win?’. The host reminds the audience of the stakes. If Lula remains in a weight deficit, she will continue to the final with a chance to win a life altering amount of money. In a final masterful act of showmanship, the host reveals they have a special message for Lula. Lula’s not-so media trained parents appear on the megatron live from their living room and deliver a heartfelt message of encouragement. Despite this, Lula can only focus the stains in their wallpaper, cracks in their ceiling and holes in their furniture. As Lula dutifully steps on the scale, the silence breaks as the audience erupt with cheers. Lula’s expression collapses into relief - she\'s going to the final. With a new tenacity to lose weight, Lula attends the luxury gym financed by the game show. Swarmed by satirical gym-fluencers and live streams - Lula attempts to leave but is forced to persevere by her gym bud. A montage shows Lula training to meet her goal weight. The day of the live final has arrived. Lula looks into the audience where she sees her mother\'s eyes glisten and nods in assurance. With one final stride she steps onto the scale. Too nervous to look up, the host sympathetically places his hand on her shoulder - Lula was not in a deficit. 2 weeks later, in foetal position, Lula is i under her duvet repeatedly watching a ‘plateau’ explanation video. The next video, a meme of Lula’s losing moment on the show, autoplays. Lula attempts to throw her phone when a motivational sermon entitled ‘Girl Get Up’ by Pastor Sarah Jakes starts to play. Encouraged, Lula takes her phone off airplane mode and a stream of notifications pour in. The final message is a reminder to attend the aftercare support group for reality show contestants. Lula makes her way. At the support group, a circle of ex-reality stars and contestants introduce themselves. The counsellor, Benjamin, explains the agenda of the course; to understand that our search for money, fame and publicity has led us to despair and stems from a chronic sense of lack. To rectify this, he asks each attendee to recount their earliest memory. At first hesitant, Lula eventually closes her eyes. What follows is a montage of a POV of a baby being formed in the womb, and the birth. We hear distorted sounds and abstract visuals of monumental moments of growing up. A young girl sat in front of a TV watching women who don’t look like her receive love. At a family gathering, the aunties greet her with comments on her weight and being asked to ‘put on a cardigan to cover her arms’ and other painful memories. All of these moments of Lula’s life culminate to where we first meet, at the gameshow where she is asked, ‘are you ready to step onto the scale?’. When Lula opens her eyes, as if being transported completely, Benjamin says ‘what you win doesn\'t always profit you’.

Biblical Connection

The Biblical source I am using is Psalm 139: 13-18. In this story, Lula measures her worth through the numbers on the scale. The insecurity in her physical appearance informs an unworthiness that drives her pursuit for a validation that will never satiate her. The game show becomes metaphorical, her life is spent competing for prizes that she thinks will fill her chronic sense of lack. The essence of Psalm 139: 13-18 is an anecdote to this. Society’s measure system of what is or isn’t beautiful, esteemed or valuable is rendered useless when we understand that the God of all creation made us with a pensive and intentional detail. That His knowing of us predates our existence in the world and his thoughts of us outnumber grains of sand. Lula gets to see what this looks like, the final revelation provides an omniscient perspective of her life, finally understanding that truth that was unbeknownst to her; she had already been chosen, selected, but more than that, woven with the very intention of being loved. It shows us that this search is futile. And that the love we desire to make us complete, is in understanding how much God loves us.